The Hair Follies

I’m really torn about this whole process—I hate using the word ‘survivor’ re: cancer. So many other people have to endure debilitating conditions every day, year after year, and their lives are such a struggle!!  We endure short-term treatment, and for the most part continue to live on relatively carefree. Those people would gladly sacrifice their hair if they could trade with us! Does our perspective make us all seem incredibly vain?

We live in a society in which a mole, crooked teeth or reddened skin is embarrassing and affects our self-esteem. Don’t we try to teach girls that self-esteem comes from what we do and who we are, rather than how we look? Are we just “talking the talk”? Do we not have more important issues to concentrate on? What happened to “beauty is only skin deep”?

That being said, I know we all worry about how this very obvious sign of health and beauty affects how we are perceived within old and new relationships—platonic and otherwise. Women accept me as I am—I have made several new friends since treatment—but am/are I/we worried about how men look at us?

To be perfectly honest, as a newly single woman, the answer would be a resounding “YES”!! If I wear a wig, I wonder, how do I tell someone I don’t have hair? If I don’t wear it, will I ever get a date again?

Does this angst surface because this breast cancer thing usually happens at a time when our bodies and faces are degenerating naturally and we feel vulnerable to our lost youth and the comparison to those younger, firmer, prettier and, well—more intact?

The cancer treatment speeds up that process tenfold and the medications we must take results in side effects our grandmothers may never have experienced!! How would we feel now if nature had just been allowed to take its course without a cancer detour?

I am still not sure—even if it was widely known that some patients’ hair would not grow back—that it should be a deciding factor for treatment. The body-altering surgery we endured is accepted without question. I guess the difference is that no one can see it.

I had such a dire diagnosis, I’m not sure I would go back and change anything. If sacrificing some hair keeps me alive, then so be it. I guess the big question is, “The chemo made me bald, but is it working?”

I’m 54, but look older thanks to the ravages of chemo, have little hair and can hardly move some days due to my medication. It’s difficult to realize that all this might be for naught. I am trying to live what could be the last few years of my life concentrating on important, rather than superficial things. Where is the hair issue on that spectrum…..???

Carol